I can't lie.  I miss what was.  I am alone.  I am scared of the future.  I am lonely.  I miss having someone to love me.  Even though you didn't love me like you should have, maybe that little bit of love was better than the lack of love I feel now.  I wish sometimes that I never left you and that you were just a better, kinder liar and I could have been happily oblivious to it all and remained your wife.  It hurts me to live the life I live now.  Like a sour taste in my mouth.  This isn't what I planned for.  This isn't what I wished for.  I wanted happily ever after.  With you.  Now I am all alone.

Want some more truth? I can give it to you...

  Walking away was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not sorry that I did it, but it fuckin hurt me.  I don't know that it will ever stop aching.  I did nothing wrong.  I loved with every bit of me until you stomped it all away with your bullshit and now there is nothing left for you in me.  I'll hold on to the memories, and you'll always have that piece of me; you can keep it I don't want it anymore.

It doesn't hurt so much

as it stings

I don't think I want your kind of love no more.

It hurts too bad when you try to use it against me.

I try too hard for what little affection I get out of you.

I wanted to love you forever.

Now I'm ready to see it end.

I wish that wasn't so.

But you don't give a damn.

You will watch it crumble.

And it'll be too late then, I'll have walked away.

And won't give a damn no more either.

I remember you,

the you that you've forgotten.

I can still see your smile,

the one you don't give me anymore.

Write your sorrows in 

the sand.

And your blessings

in stone.

The Twinkle In My Eye

i gave birth to an idea today

its heart was blue

its eyes were grey.

i thought i heard a moan

but it was more of a keening wale.

the dragon inside me speaks true

the tales i cannot tell.

one day they'll see my other side.

not a woman who is smart

or strong or filled with pride,

but the beast in me

with a dragons heart.

wings that spread and take to flight,

eyes that pierce the darkest night.

a roar to make my will be known,

and an endless light

that no man owns.